I Just Wanted To Say I Love You
by Ildreen Love
Summary: The last two weeks had been a little tense between both men... And then he said those stupid words. How can Shuichi make up with Yuki this time? Read and Enjoy! Rated PG13 to be safe. FINISHED!
1. Something Stupid

**  
Disclaimer: I don't own this characters, Maki Murakami does. Also this lyrics aren't mine. I'm not sure whom they belong to, but it's the incredible voice of Frank Sinatra who gives them life.**

To Clari-chan, U R THE BEST!  
  


* * *

* * *

Shuichi peeked in Yuki's studio for the seventh time for the last hour. The last two weeks had been a little tense between both men. Shuichi had been stressed with all the practices and presentations Bad Luck had been making, and even he, with his always-energetic personality was tired. Yuki was busy finishing his novel, and as usual he's been in an awful mood.

Under normal circumstances Shuichi would go out with Hiro and stay away from Yuki until he returned to his normal mood. But Hiro was as tired as the pink haired singer and needed a break from everything. Shu couldn't blame him, after three weeks of non-stopping work and little sleep, who could? The proof on how stressful it had been was that K ordered everyone (including himself) to take the weekend to rest and if it was necessary to take Monday and Tuesday off as well.

Shu had expected that this rest would improve the mood in the apartment, but there had been so many fights during the past days that instead of improving, it had made it all worse. On Friday afternoon, when Shu announced he was on a free-work weekend, Yuki had told him "Great, now you'll be here not only at nights but also all day long. How am I supposed to finish this with an annoying brat like you pestering me all the time?"

Of course the 'annoying brat' had yelled at him saying that he was a cold-hearted jerk, which had only made Yuki angrier and returned the insult. It finish with the usual hated "Get out", only this time Shu refused to go saying it was his apartment too since they had made an agreement to share the rent and stuff. Yuki then locked himself in his studio, only coming out for brief periods of time, mostly to get something to eat or refill his cup of coffee.

That had been two days before. After the initial anger, a feeling of loneliness and sadness had taken over Shuichi. He had been sleeping on the couch, something he hadn't done for months; also he had been eating alone, which he hated doing. So tonight he planned on going out for dinner, and he was taking Yuki with him. He knew it was a dangerous thing to do after what had happened, especially because Yuki had a deadline for Thursday. But this time Shu felt the risk was worth it, he had already made the reservations on one of their favorite restaurant that was only two blocks away.

He took a deep breath and reviewed again all the things of the 'What to do and what not to do when Yuki has a deadline' manual. The first and most important thing was to say the right words. Shuichi had learned that lesson the hard way, one time it had occurred him to tell Yuki "Let's go out for dinner", and the writer had exploded saying that Shu was no one to order him around. Another time he had asked if he wouldn't prefer to have dinner instead of working and had had to listen Yuki's sarcastic voice telling him all the things he would prefer, including a Shuichi-free apartment.

Another thing to consider was the tone of his voice. Too loud would surely upset Yuki, but too quiet would give the blonde a reason to ignore him. Too cheerful was also considered annoying and serious would probably freak Yuki out and make him suspect something that... well, that wasn't really there. What else he needed to remember? Ah, that he should softly knock on the door, but not wait for an invitation to come in, because he would probably wait there forever.

Shu smiled to himself, now he was ready.

I know I stand in line, until you think you have the time  
To spend an evening with me

Shuichi knocked softly and entered the room. –Yuki? I was wondering if you'd like to go out for dinner. Maybe take a rest and go to that Thai restaurant?

And if we go someplace to dance, I know that there's a chance  
You won't be leaving with me

He waited patiently for an answer, if this worked out well, all the effort and planning would be worthy. Yuki suddenly nodded and said -Let's go.

_And afterwards we drop into a quiet little place  
And have a drink or two _

Shu walked right next to Yuki quietly. When they were about to cross the street he tried shyly to take his hand, but Yuki's glare made him desist. He knew better than that, after all public demonstrations didn't go with Yuki's style.

And then I go and spoil it all, by saying something stupid  
Like: I love you

Their usual table was ready for them. They both ordered and ate in silence. Shu usually would start talking but this wasn't a normal dinner, so he remained quiet looking through the window. It was taking all his self-control but he was actually acting according to what was a normal behavior for Yuki.

_I can see it in your eyes, that you despise the same old lies  
You heard the night before _

They could hear the soft music from the bottom of the restaurant, and after they finished eating dinner the waiter brought them a bottle of wine. All together seemed like a romantic dinner. Shuichi ordered the account and paid for dinner. He didn't want Yuki to think that he had invited him so he wouldn't have to pay for dinner.

And though it's just a line to you, for me it's true  
It never seemed so right before

They left the restaurant and walked back to the apartment. Shuichi was now having trouble to keep quiet. Deciding he had done a very good job until that moment he spoke. –It's nice to do this every now and them, don't you think?

_I practice every day to find some clever lines to say  
To make the meaning come through _

Yuki's response was a grunt, but that didn't discourage the singer. He looked at the man walking next to him and then, carefully, moved closer. They were about to enter the elevator now. Both men waited and finally Shu looked at Yuki and, smiling, told him he had enjoyed going out for dinner.

But then I think I'll wait until the evening gets late  
And I'm alone with you

Yuki nodded, apparently determined to break his own personal record of how long he could be with Shuichi without talking to him. The pink haired boy looked at the floor of the elevator and then suddenly sighed. –I'm sorry of what I said the other day. I...- that moment he hesitated, but still determined to finish he continued. –I love you-.

_The time is right your perfume fills my head, the stars get red  
And oh the night's so blue _

Yuki frowned immediately and turned around to face Shuichi. The boy looked at him surprised at the sudden gesture of anger from his lover. –So that's what it is all about? You want to fuck with me so you took me out for dinner-. Shu opened his eyes in disbelief. –That's not it I just wanted to have dinner with you!

And then I go and spoil it all, by saying something stupid  
Like: I love you

The blonde opened the door of the apartment and gave him a cold calculating look. –Yeah, right. Nice try, next time you can ask those people from the restaurant to put candles or some other stupid 'romantic stuff'. –And with that he closed the door leaving a teary Shuichi outside.

(I love you, I love you, ...)

-I just missed you-, Shuichi whispered. Apparently he would go to Hiro's after all.

**--**

**--**

**Ja ne**


	2. Strange Relationship

**Disclaimer: I don't own this characters, Maki Murakami does. Also this lyrics aren't mine, they belong to Darren Hayes, or at lest I think they do, I combined three of his songs, more info at the bottom.**

* * *

Shuichi arrived at Hiro's apartment around eleven, tired and depressed and in need of the comfort only his best friend could give him. Hopefully Hiro had rested enough and would be happy to see Shu. Not that Hiro would ever complain of receiving the singer, no matter how tired or busy he was.

He knocked on the door quietly. It had been a long time since last Yuki had kicked him out of the apartment, so Shu felt very humiliated, especially since it was his apartment too, and because of that he almost wished Hiro wouldn't answer the door.

The other man apparently didn't know anything about said wish, and proceeded to open the door. One look was enough for Hiro to understand what had happened. He sighed and told Shu –I was wondering when you'd arrive Shuichi.

The pink haired singer slept in a couch again that night, and spent the next day with Hiro playing videogames and eating pizza. On Tuesday, their last 'free' day, as Shu dramatically called it, they went to visit Ayaka in Kyoto. Shuichi visited different places while his best friend had a date with her. Still that night he didn't sleep at all, even though he was tired from the trip. He kept thinking about Yuki.

_Do you love me?  
Or am I just another trip in this strange relationship?  
You push and pull me  
and I'm about to loose my mind  
Is this just a waste of time_

Why had the writer been so cruel with him? He was trying to make up, yes, but he wasn't trying to get more than a smile or a hug, or something that would reassure him that they were ok.

_Keep acting like you own me  
I keep running, watch me walking out that door  
I hear you behind me  
_  
Over and over again Shu asked himself if he should have just kept quiet. If he hadn't talked maybe Yuki wouldn't have gotten mad at him.

_Gimme that strange relationship  
Never felt pleasure and pain like this  
Something so right but it feels so terribly wrong  
I keep holding on_

No, it wasn't his fault. He loved Yuki, he was always telling him that, so why should that night be different?

_Gimme that strange relationship  
One of us gotta let go of this  
I keep pushing and you keep holding on  
I'm already gone  
  
_Lately all had been so messed up. And he hadn't taken into account that Bad Luck had a three-month tour that would start next week.

_Do you love me?  
We break up and back together  
And I swore to myself never  
  
_And Yuki's deadline was this Thursday. The writer would probably sleep all day long on Friday, which left only the weekend for them to be together.

_Oh how you do me  
You strip me of my honor  
And I don't ever think I'm gonna  
Break free of these mind games  
All I'm trying to do is modify my plan  
'Cause I can't contain you  
_

Maybe he should go in the morning and apologize again even if he hadn't done anything wrong? And let Yuki get away with this again?

_I've been broken, shut down and useless  
Feet above me  
Hands in the air  
You got me falling over and over  
You got me twisted tied up and tangled_

What to do? That was his eternal question when it came down to Yuki. He felt so tired now, tired as he had never been, tired of being treated like he was worthless when he was definitely not, tired of being kicked out and then received again without even an apology.

_I do it all for you  
You know I've been a fool for you  
I thought I tripped on a shoelace  
I look down and it's only you  
_  
After all they had been through Shuichi had always persevered because he loved Yuki, and because he felt that that cold man was worth all the trouble and chaos he had brought into his life. Because before he meet Yuki, Shuichi had lived a relatively nice and easy existence, going to school, writing and composing songs for his debut album, hanging around with Hiro...

_I've been put down, picked up and put off  
I've been held up, pushed and shoved around  
You got me falling over and over  
I've been drifting this side and upside down_

Was Yuki really that important, that worthy? What had Yuki given him so he should endure all that cold treatment? After all those months together, didn't he deserve more than fights?

_I do it all for you  
You know I'll be a fool for you  
I keep thinking I've lost something  
I look down and it's only you  
  
_Maybe... maybe he should listen to Hiro and give up. Find someone new, someone that loved him the way he loved and wanted to be loved...

--  
--

_Gimme a reason  
Why I'm feeling so blue  
Everytime I close my eyes, all I see is you  
_

Yuki took out the pack of cigarettes and groaned when he saw it was empty. Angrily he threw the package to the floor. Damn stupid writer's block, why did it have to happen now, two days before his deadline? He knew how he wanted his novel to end, but every time he sat in front of his laptop he couldn't find the words to express it. And the reason behind this was that every single time he tried to do anything all he could do was wonder what that pink haired ball of trouble would be doing.

_Gimme a reason  
Why I can't feel my heart  
Every time you leave my side, I just fall apart  
_

He knew he shouldn't have talked like that to Shuichi after the boy had obviously made an effort to improve things between the two. Trust Yuki Eiri to ruin a perfect opportunity like that to make up with his lover. And after he had opened his big mouth and said those horrible words instead, he had closed the door behind him and let Shu go, with certainty, to Nakano's place.

_And when you're fast asleep, I wonder where you go  
Can you tell me, I wanna know  
  
_Only after hearing his lover's quiet sobs had he realized how stupid he had been and opened the door, just to find the singer was gone. As usual he had regained his senses too late. After that he had been in a worse mood, if that was even possible, than usual. He wished he could see Shuichi's innocent face sleeping by his side and hear his constant chattering again.

_Because I miss you  
And this is all I wanna say  
I guess I miss you, beautiful  
These three words have said it all_

That had been happening for some time now, before the stupid fight that Friday or that date he had so easily ruined on Sunday. The truth was he missed Shuichi, and had been missing him for some time now.

_You know I miss you  
I think about you when you're gone  
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong  
I don't need to carry on  
  
_And all because their work had coincided and both had been too busy and stressed to make an effort to be with the other, especially from his side. Shu was always making an extra attempt to spend some time with him, so he had selfishly resented when this time he hadn't.

_Gimme a reason  
Why I can't concentrate  
The world is turning upside down  
Spinning round and round  
  
_But did he deserve that? After all Shu had done for him did he have the right to complain? After all, when had been the last time he had done anything nice for his young lover?

_Gimme a reason  
Why I now understand  
The beauty and simplicity of everything surrounding me  
_

At that moment the long forgotten fears came back with an intensity Yuki hadn't felt before. What if Shuichi decided he was better off without him? Because the reality was he would probably be better off alone. And knowing Nakano he would surely try to make Shu see things that way. What if this time Shu didn't come back? The boy would certainly have no trouble buying an apartment for himself, not to mention find someone to share it with...

_You got a way of spreading magic everywhere  
Anywhere I go, I know you're always there  
It sounds ridiculous, but when you leave a room  
There's a part of me that just wants to follow you too  
  
_And with his caring and loving personality, combined with his good looks and his talent as a singer, how long would it take before Shuichi found someone that gave him everything he wanted? At that last thought Yuki shook his head and cursed, why hadn't he gone after Shu that day?

_It's such a hard life in most of the time  
I'm just surviving  
That's why I want you to know_

He couldn't let that happen. He couldn't lose him. After all that happened, all the pain he had gone through, he had to find Shuichi. That boy had given him so many things, when before he had just been letting everyday pass.

_In the world where sincerity has lost its meaning  
You fill my world with so much hope  
  
_Shuichi had given him love, had taught him patiently how to love again. He had brought light and happiness again to his life. When he had thought everything was meaningless Shuichi had given him hope.

--  
--

_How many forms can indecision take?  
When does the warning light appear before a man breaks?  
Mine is a restless heart don't try to fix it  
You know sometimes, sometimes I want it to ache  
_

Shuichi inhaled deeply before opening the door of the apartment. It was Thursday. If everything had gone as usual, Yuki would be out giving his editor his latest novel.

_Everything I am has been neatly contained into  
the contents of a Samsonite bag_

Shuichi walked right to his room and began to take some things he knew he would need later. His pajamas, his pillow, some clothes... Everything he took was put on the bed. He sighed and walked to the door of the room towards the kitchen. He wouldn't need it, but he was getting his oversized mug as well...

_You know I miss you  
And this all I wanna say  
You know I miss you  
And this is all I wanna do  
_

-Leaving already?- A deep voice asked him. Shuichi looked up just to meet the fierce look of Yuki's eyes. –Not even a note? I thought I deserved at least that-. Shuichi looked around nervously. He didn't expect him to be there, he didn't know what to do...

_I know it doesn't sound too cool  
But maybe I'm in love with you  
_

-I'm sorry-.

Shuichi open his eyes wide in surprise.

–I know I acted like a jerk... Maybe you are right, I am a heartless bastard...-

Shuichi was about to speak when Yuki talked again. –Don't leave.

_I just miss you  
Yeah, it's true  
I miss you, baby  
And when you're walking out that door  
I know I miss you_

It wasn't an order, but a plea. Shuichi looked down for a second, lost for words for once. -Yuki...- Shuichi smiled at him. –I thought you wouldn't be here, that's why I came for this stuff-. Yuki looked at him in disbelief, was he serious? Was he leaving him? Shuichi tried hard not to laugh at his expression. –After what happened I thought we needed some time apart and I need this stuff because I don't have more clothes at Hiro's!

_You make me wanna ask for more  
I just miss you  
Yeah, it's true  
I miss you, baby  
  
_Yuki stared at him, still insecure of what he had just heard. Shuichi hugged him and then whispered –I'm not gonna give up on you, Yuki. Never.

_Me, a laptop, 2 suitcases and I'm coming to see you  
whether you like it or not  
Whether you like it or not  
  
_And with that he smiled at Yuki and kissed him. –I love you Yuki-. Yuki shook his head and then much to Shu's surprise he said –I don't think I deserve it, but it's good to know I'm not the only one who is stupidly in love in here.

-

* * *

-  
The songs I used are 'Strange Relationship', 'I Miss You' and 'Like it ot Not', from his album 'Spin'.

And yes, I know it's a bit different from the previous one, but I couldn't help it, no idea why it happened that way, but since Clari thought it was good (and I agree with her =3) I thought I should post it.

Thanks to the following people who reviewed by the time I uploaded this:

**tati  
****MangeIam  
****gravi addict  
****chibisanzo  
****Suki  
****goku-the-saru  
****Kloudy Reignfall  
****Shila  
****clari chan  
****wonderful teru **

And yeah, we all agree Yuki is a jerk sometimes, but hopefully he made up for that on this chapter.

THE END


End file.
